i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
