im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
