They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
