Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
