Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
