Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
