I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
