why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
