I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
