i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
