She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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