My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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