dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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