hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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