Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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