is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
