Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
