someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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