Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
