the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
