I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
