they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
