My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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