I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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