Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
