Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize