why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
