Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
