I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
