tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
