Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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