I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
