There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
