i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
