She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
