You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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