Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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