Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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