Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
