'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
