The maid of honor just puked.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
