I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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