maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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