You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
