I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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