Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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