i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
