Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You pole danced in your parka.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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