I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
