I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
