I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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