P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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