I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
