I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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