No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize