I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
