just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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