I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
