I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize