I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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