hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Who did Billy Mays play for?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
