How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
